To get a glimpse into how different marriages can be, The Collegian interviewed three married couples on the Walla Walla University campus about their relationships: Susan Gardner, an English professor, and Robert Gardner (or Dr. Bob, as he is known to many), a sociology professor; Cynthia Westerbeck, an English professor, and Roy Benton, a math and philosophy professor; and Danae Myers, a senior English major, and Landon Myers, a bronze TIG welder for Nano Lopez Art Studios.
The stories of how the couples met differed wildly. Dr. Gardner and Dr. Bob’s story of how they met was a lengthy one, but Dr. Gardner summarized it briefly: “The short story is [that] we met through the fact that my sister married one of his childhood friends, and so they introduced us.” [1]
Dr. Westerbeck and Dr. Benton met at Columbia Union College where they both taught. Since “his office happened to be in the English department … even though he was [teaching] math and philosophy,” they were able to chat about literature, philosophy, mountaineering, and more. They were able to get to know each other and develop their relationship further. [2]
Danae and Landon met at the Tri-Cities mall where Landon worked while Danae was on Christmas break from Southern Adventist University. As Danae described: “I was with my family, so it was kind of awkward, because we’re in the store and we’re talking, and my dad’s making faces, and my brother wants to talk to him because he thinks he’s cool and stuff, and I’m like, ‘I’m just trying to get a number real quick.’” [3]
The Gardners married on August 12, 1973, in Tabernacle Church in Portland, OR — they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary with a long trip together. [4] Dr. Westerbeck and Dr. Benton have been married for “21 years, and we dated for 5 years before that.” [5] The Myerses have been married for “a little over a year and a half” after years of dating beforehand. [6]
With marriage, there’s often things people wished they knew. Dr. Gardner mentioned she wishes she “had known what a sports fanatic” Dr. Bob was. [7]
Dr. Westerbeck and Dr. Benton, who were previously married before they got together, weren’t surprised by much, but they were surprised by the ease of their marriage to each other. Dr. Benton said, “Things went so much easier than I expected.” [8]
Danae and Landon have been surprised by the flood of people pushing them to have kids — Danae said, “You can’t really say, ‘I don’t really want kids’ because people hate that.” [9]
I then asked them about their tips for happy marriages. Dr. Bob said to marry “somebody that you want to spend all your life together [with], meaning 24/7,” to which Dr. Gardner added also to “share the load.” [10]
Dr. Westerbeck mentioned the importance of “having such shared expectations and needs” as well as a “generosity of spirit;” Dr. Benton added the importance of “[having] a shared world view and picking up the tasks of life in fairly natural ways without having to have long philosophical discussions about what’s fair or what works.” [11]
Danae and Landon emphasized the importance of communication and active listening, taking a break from hard conversations when necessary, and giving “100/100” rather than 50/50 effort. [12]
Even amid outside stresses on their relationship, these couples make sure to “share the load” and work together. Dr. Bob said, “Tough times can be good for a relationship if you work on the tough times together.” [13]
Dr. Westerbeck mentioned that their relationship has been “so ridiculously and surprisingly easy compared to [past relationships],” to which Dr. Benton added, “I sometimes feel like it’s too easy but I’m not complaining.” [14]
Landon emphasized the importance of communication, in addition to “understanding [your partner’s] capacity for emotion — just as much as you have … That is your better half, and you wouldn’t treat yourself with any disregard or disrespect blatantly, so I don’t think you should be that way with your partner.” [15]
Marriage still holds the potential to surprise couples, even after dating for a while. Something that surprised the Gardners about marriage was “How fun it is … when you’re married to a really good person,” as Dr. Gardner said. [16]
Dr. Benton described how marriage has deepened his love for Dr. Westerbeck: “There’s few places in my life where I feel transcendent moments — mathematics, music, mountaineering — but just, for me, sometimes when I’m going home, I just feel like the love I have with Cynthia is transcendent like that.” [17]
Danae and Landon’s relationship has come with some unforeseen surprises, such as having to live together with Danae’s family while they save for a house. As a result, Landon emphasized the importance of “taking it as it comes … you can’t always expect what’s going to happen, but plans change and it’s all for the better.” [18]
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