Spotify can tell you more about your friends than your friends can.  

Sometime soon, Spotify will release “2022 Wrapped,” this year’s report on your favorite genres, artists, and songs. [1] Especially for those of us who struggle to describe the type of music we like, Spotify’s data mining puts into words what we could only feel in the varied anatomy of our ears (such as the snare (eardrum) and the conch shell (cochlea)). Your “Wrap” is an opportunity to share and compare with others, and even compete for the most listening time.  

Allowing Spotify to systematically collect each precious datum of my very existence and otherwise pervade my privacy is all worth it for the fun and colorful slideshow I get each year. For me, the trends justify the means, which is why opting into Spotify is a decision I’m going to (say it with me now) keep! on! making! 

Take this chance to understand your friends and Facebook followers better. I’m going to make some stereotype-based, generalization-driven statements that will help you get to know the personality behind the musicality. I browsed the most popular genres on Spotify and selected a few to talk about. [2] They’re in alphabetic order, so that’s a win for all you type A, ENFJ

Capricorns: 

• Alternative 

• • “I’m not like other listeners…” 

• Blues 

• • Only smiles when they’re extra sad. 

• Caribbean 

• • Will drum on all parts of your car if you let them (including the emergency brake). 

• Classical 

• • Maintains a clean closet, possibly a walk-in. Also used to play violin or piano before their gory “finger injury.” 

• Country 

• • Will never have commitment problems, that just ain’t the way of thangs.  

• Funk and disco 

• • Owns a record player and wants to get into “blading.” 

• Folk and acoustic 

• • Is casually playing the guitar when you come over and then doesn’t stop singing when you walk in.  

• Hip-hop 

• • Wears sunglasses a lot, like a lot more than the sun requires.  

• Indie 

• • Thrifts all their clothing.  

• Instrumental 

• • They spend a lot of time on the couch, that’s where they feel comfortable. That low thread count upholstery is like silk upon their slouching form.  

• Jazz 

• • Oh, my favorite chord? Probably a C Dim #13 B9 no 3rd, 5th, or 9th . Also, where are we in the music right now? 

• Latin 

• • Their hair is better than yours; it makes your hair look like sad spindles of keratin. Their follicles are putting in the work.  

• Metal 

• • Leather is their primary clothing and bedding choice.  

• Pop 

• • Knows the lyrics to songs most people only know the chorus of. And they want you to know that they know the words you don’t know.  

• Punk  

• • Laughs as a response to everything, even when it’s blatantly inappropriate.  

• R & B 

• • Not a morning person, but wishes they were. Not enough to actually try, but theoretically. 

• Rock 

• • Has a quiet speaking voice and long hair if they’re a man, short hair if they’re a woman.  

• Romance 

• • Gets lonely. A very good texter, though.  

References: 

1. Spotify Web Player. (November 16, 2022). https://open.spotify.com/  
2. Ibid.