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Walla Walla, WA
Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Autumn Diatribe

October 11, 1990
Sherlies Chapman
By Sherlies Chapman
Fall is my favorite season. Doesn't everyone say that? It's getting to the point of almost being a cliche. But really, who can help it? It gets cooler, so you can breathe again. There are more colors, or at least they're richer, and a crimson comes back into cheeks again that can’t be reproduced in a tanning bed. School is in full gear, hot chocolate takes an upswing on most restaurant menus, and we all have the light of a blissful Thanksgiving break a few weeks away, at the end of the midterm tunnel.

If you didn't know any better, you could say I'm being idyllic. But, having frequently acknowledged that my "idyllic years" are past, and that cold hard reality has set it (ha!) I can dispute that. In fact, God's in His heaven, but not all's right with the world. And I'm about to tell you why:

I heard about an incumbent election candidate in Oregon on NPR this morning. Denny Smith, I think they said his name was. Seems he believes that the only reason environmentalists want to stop the forests being cut down is because that's where they grow their marajuana. And that if people get caught growing and selling marajuana, it should be punishable by the death penalty. Sounds like my kind of candidate: logical.

I was up in the cafeteria today. Saw these little gummy bears that always seem to catch my attention, and according to expert dietitian Rodney Hestdalen, ruin the digestive system. Seems they're $5.25 a pound. Pricey little bears. But more distressing than the price of the bears is the reason why even sandwiches and chewy cheesy casseroles are more expensive than Russian fur hats from specialty order magazines: silly people stealing food. If you want free food, I hear the mission in Walla Walla has great vegetable soup on Tuesday nights.

"I like the simple life." That's another phrase that is just about to be transferred to the cliche pile. It used to be that when someone said that they meant that they liked simple BMW's, espresso machines and Ralph Lauren wardrobes. Now it means Birkenstocks, a cabin in the woods and a Eddie Bauer wardrobe. Funny how times change, as do the price tags on Birkenstocks, cabins and simple clothing. Look through catalogues these days (who shops in stores anymore?) and discover they're not marketing clothing: you're buying a style of life. Not only are you buying a style, but more than likely the greedy company has sold your name to dozens of other "casually classic" clothing companies

who want to inundate you with wasteful and repetitive catalogues as well.

If this sounds like a whine session, fear not. For there are many morals to this diatribe on elections and marajuana, gummy bears and shoplifting, and simplicity. They are these: Election candidates never change. Apparently, neither do gummy bears, even when they're in your stomach. As for simplicity, well, hang around for a couple of decades and your BMW may just be hot again.
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