The Collegian is once again striding confidently into the insecurities of your personal life to prepare you for the highest consequence day of the year.
Every February 14, humans begin considering questions of love, like, what is love? Why do we sing about love so much? Is love the answer to everything? If so, why isn’t it the answer to Wordle? We also begin thinking about who we love, and whether that love was built to last or built to blast your heart into 10,000 pieces.
My guess is that you’re compatible with your significant other. Or ARE you? There are but a few finicky paths to knowing your true compatibility. One option is couples’ spinning classes, but this quiz is a lot easier, and you don’t have to recline on deceptively hard micro-seats.
To use this quiz most effectively, answer the questions for yourself, then have your significant other answer the questions as well. You are compatible with your significant others if you answer between 11-15 questions the same. Score any less and you can’t hope to understand each other, any more, you can’t stand each other.
1. What’s your/their Myers-Briggs personality type?
2. What’s your/their Enneagram personality type?
a) 1, 3, or 7
b) 2, 4, or 9
c) 5 or 6
3. What’s your/their love language?
a) Metaphysical touch
b) Words of conflagration
c) Koala tea-time
d) Unsolicited gifts
4. What’s your/their conflict resolution style?
a) Direct: find them, yell at them
b) Indirect: hide
c) More indirect: move
d) Mediated: ask a trusted friend or local government employee to explain why you’re right
5. What’s your/their communication style?
a) Facial expressions only
b) No communication is better than some communication
c) Phone 24/7
d) They must know everything I think
6. Where are you/they on the emotional vs rational spectrum?
a) *already choked up about how many emotions they feel*
b) Emotion is my GPS, logic is my compass
c) Logic is my GPS, emotion is my compass
d) “I’ve decided it’s fiscally responsible for me to abandon you.”
7. How mature are you/they?
a) Pronounces mature “muh-tour”
b) Reads-books mature
c) Leaves-the-car-on-empty-for-you mature
d) Laughs-at-doo-doo mature
8. What are your/their political and social leanings?
a) Liberal, like a helping of frosted mini-wheats
b) Medium-liberal, like an underfunded liberal arts school
c) Medium-conservative, like near-threatened species
d) Conservative, like the first law of thermodynamics
9. What are your/their spiritual and religious beliefs?
a) Jesus Christ
b) I like Abraham (Abrahamic religions)
c) Who is Abraham? (Non-Abrahamic religions)
10. What is your/their family like?
a) Small and controlling, but in a loving way
b) Average size, very involved
c) Average size, doesn’t get along
d) Big, never noticed you left the house
11. What is your/their major (interest or passion or endless study)?
d) The rest are basically the same
12. What is your/their current/future job?
a) Stay-at-home parent (with kids)
b) Stay-at-home parent (without kids)
c) Work-from-home parent (Zoom edition)
d) 9 to 5 at the factory
e) Paid time off and possible lawsuits
13. What are your/their hobbies or interests?
a) Fermentations: cheese, kombucha, bread
b) Bureaucracy: PTA, church board, local government
c) Media: Marvel, Steam, TikTok
d) Movement: canoeing, ball-sports, sports without balls
14. What is your/their cultural background?
a) Feels connected to their home language, food, clothing, lifestyle
b) Is white and gets excited about Ancestry.com
15. What is your/their schedule like (24/7/4/12/365)?
a) McVay busy
c) Can’t-afford-school available
d) Health science
16. What are your/their physical attributes?
a) Tall and sexy
b) Not that
17. What are your/their quirks and preferences?
a) Rinses the rice
b) Makes insensitive jokes at the wrong time
c) Likes khakis more than jeans
d) Won’t buy pears or peas (which are pears without the r)
18. What are your/their top two priorities?
d) Significant other
i) Keeping your lips from being chapped