ASWWU logo
Walla Walla, WA
Wednesday, October 4, 2023

FOR MEN ONLY 79 Things to do in Foreman lobby

February 9, 2023
Lenden Webb

Reissue: Originally Published May 18, 1995

Lenden Webb

This list is a compilation of things to do while waiting in Foreman lobby. A select list of 79 that have been seen, imagined, or heard at Foreman. Some are close to reality, some are not. Enjoy! 

  1. Wait for your girlfriend. 
  2. See your girlfriend. 
  3. Hug your girlfriend. 
  4. Free your girlfriend. 
  5. Tease the hapless souls waiting for their women. 
  6. Watch people parallel park outside. Note performance differences exhibited by rural license plate owners. 
  7. Make a playhouse with the couch pillows and see how long until a dean busts the party. 
  8. Drop off anonymous notes with insinuating articles attached to them. 
  9. Get your haircut. 
  10. Watch someone else get a haircut. 
  11. Fantasize that the girl who is cutting hair is running her hands through your hair. 
  12. Send prank phone calls to the desk monitor--ask them to holler for a "Buc Naykidd" in the lobby. Insist that they call for him by name, his name is in the Mask. 
  1. See who replies to that name, video tape it and send it to the Take. 
  2. Play games. 
  3. Cook a romantic meal for your girlfriend since you only have 135 credits, this is the place! 
  4. Have a meal cooked and served to you. 
  5. Deliver flowers. 
  6. Steal someone else's. 
  7. See how long it takes the Plant Service guys to change a light bulb on 5th floor. Don’t wait past midnight. You have homework to do.    
  8. Pretend you work for Plant Services, sign in and roam the halls. 
  9. Shimmy up the walls and bypass the lobby all together. 
  10. Take a free introductory flight with Mountain States Aviation on a sunny spring day and ask the instructor to buzz Foreman roof. Once again, bypassing the entire Petting Zoo. 
  11. Count all the Birkenstocks. 
  12. Help Loren Hanson move in. (See Voicebox Section). 
  13. Pretend to use the phone so you can have a reason to watch the women coming in and out of the dorm. 
  14. Forget pretending. Ask for the Mask and call, call, call! 
  15. Flirt with the desk monitor. Note: the physical barrier set up between you and the desk monitor is for their protection. 
  16. Read the sign about Dorm Mother Dorothy Foreman. 
  17. Kiss Mrs. Foreman's picture. 
  18. Wear all your future goodwill clothes, jump on the night check table, start dancing, and take them off. Stop at shorts and T-shirt and walk out. Works especially well if these articles are ones hated by your girlfriend. 
  19.  Play the piano. 
  20. Play the piano and howl, women will either gather or scamper. 
  1. Play the piano and lip-sync. Women will gather or scamper  
  2. Take notes on the guys that successfully have girlfriends. Study them profusely.
  3. Lean against the piano and try to act suave. 
  4. Run past the "MEN MAY BE PROSECUTED" sign and doorbell ditch the elevator. 
  5. For math majors only: find the mean of time spent by other men waiting. 
  6. Try to identify the cologne on the phone. 
  1. Edify the freshman with mirrors on his shoes that women in the 90's often wear pants. He is wasting his precious time.
  2. Flirt with Dean Carla. 
  3. Give up. 
  4. Adamantly deny that you hang out in Foreman lobby. 
  5. Re-arrange furniture. 
  6. Sing the alphabet with your friends. 
  7. Wallow in self-pity. 
  8. Stalk Nicolas the cat. 
  9. Filet Nicolas the cat. 
  10. Tell the dean you must go to the roof to see if Nicolas the cat actually lands on his feet. 
  11. Get Dean Lynette's poodles to corner Nicolas. Bet on the winner. 
  12. Defy gravity. 
  13. Defy physics. 
  14. Defy all major sciences. 
  15. Have a picnic, share. 
  16. Sit and imagine what it would be like to be upstairs. 
  17. Dodge random acts of PDA. 
  18. Finger paint on the windows. 
  19. Spend 20 minutes with your eyes open and try not to let your mind sin. 
  20. Read Gleaners from the 80's. 
  21. Bring a piece of cardboard and break dance. 
  22. Charge admission. 
  23. On banquet night, see how long you can lay on the phone and see if you can make someone feel guilty about being on the phone when you really don't need it. 
  24. Steal the phone. 
  25. Fill your vespers date calendar. 
  26. Fill your unsuspecting roommate's date calendar. Leave sappy messages. 
  27. Hide underneath the couch cushions. 
  28. Randomly call out sexist jokes and see how long you last. 
  29. Play on the piano and slyly say "Hey pere" to all woman walking by. Leave a cash-stuffed glass mug on the piano. 
  30. Blindfold friends, make them flip, point, and propose a date to whomever their finger lands on in the Mask. Remain wary of which section you are in.  
  1. TO GET A DATE: Hang around dressed nicely with Mercedes-Benz keychain saying loudly every 2 minutes, "Well, going to Taco Bell, and no-one to ride with.”
  2. Pick up the phone, invent sweet sappy conversation with your mother. 
  3. Start weeping at key passing moments. These two tactics will attract an entirely different type of person. 
  4. Bring Taco Bell food in, spread it out on a table, and eat it moaning and proclaiming it's goodness to all around. Watch your back. 
  5. Start "Vogue"ing. 
  6. Glue a quarter to the floor and see who tries to pick it up. 
  7. Bring your laundry and insist that all the washing machines in Sittner are broken. 
  8. Bring your super-soaker. 
  9.  Run through. 
  10. Leave. 
  11. Then there is the other un-sanctioned option--the couch. I will say no more. 
menuchevron-upchevron-downmenu-circlecross-circle linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram