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Friday, December 8, 2023

Red Flags are Red, Green Flags are Green

February 9, 2023
Danae Myers

Valentine’s Day Works Best When You Both Feel Seen

Danae Myers

Chalky candy hearts, chubby babies wielding bows and arrows, and Valentine’s cards with Shrek proclaiming, “I’m head ogre heels for you!” Did you just get a queasy feeling in your stomach? 

According to poll-based websites like thetoptens.com and ranker.com, most people hate Valentine’s Day. [1&2] I mean, they really hate it. If people had to choose between Valentine’s Day and National Public Sleeping Day as February’s hottest holiday, there would be a rush on sleep masks and melatonin instead of flowers and chocolate around this time next year. 

So, why do we loathe this supposedly love-centered holiday? For those in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can cause a lot of stress – besides the fact that it’s a commercial holiday that influences people to spend money on fleeting gifts like flowers and chocolate, it also encourages unhealthy relationship expectations (is the date Instagram-worthy? Did you spend enough? Is your relationship cuter and more serious than your friend’s relationship?). [3] 

One way to know if your relationship will withstand the pressures of Valentine’s Day is to look for signs, commonly referred to as red and green flags, to help determine whether your partner is invested in building a healthy relationship with you.  

Red flags: 

  • They left someone for you (run, don’t walk!).  
  • They’re rude to others.  
  • They don’t actively listen to you. 
  • They’re narcissistic.  
  • They tell you what you can and cannot do. 
  • They’re unwilling to compromise.  
  • They aren’t concerned with personal growth.  

Most of these don’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. It’s important to talk about your concerns with your partner. And if any of these traits resonate with you, don’t stress; it’s good to acknowledge aspects of ourselves that we want to work on. 

Green flags: 

  • They’re kind to others.  
  • They show that they care about what you have to say. 
  • They’re open with their feelings.  
  • They’re willing to talk things through. 
  • They want you to be your own person.  
  • They meet you halfway.  
  • They take conscious steps to become better people.  

While some of these green flags are signs that someone is intrinsically good, they’re also signs that someone has been working to become a better version of themselves and a better life partner.  

By treating these red and green flags as tools to help you navigate and build a healthy relationship, the only thing you’ll have to worry about this Valentine’s Day is what cheesy rom-com to snuggle up with.  

 

References 

  1. Jacobs, M. (2022). The very worst holidays you hate. Ranker. https://www.ranker.com/list/worst-holidays/mick-jacobs  
  2. Top 10 worst holidays. (n.d.). The Top Tens. https://www.thetoptens.com/holidays/worst-holidays/  
  3. Kort, J. (2022). Taking the pressure off Valentine's Day for both couples and singles. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/202202/taking-the-pressure-valentine-s-day-both-couples-and. 

 

Photos 

  1. Broyles, A. Valentine’s Inspired Photoshoot [Pinterest Post]. Retrieved January 30, 2023, from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/447334175494491596/ 

 

 

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