Allow These Seasonal Comforts and Soft Sounds to Lead You into a Calm and Content Mental
By Ben Griffin
ASMR for the fall season. The sun is setting, leaves are turning, school is starting, and tingles are tingling.
Welcome back to the first episode of Collegentlewhispers, sponsored by The Collegian. This episode will be self-guided. Anything between asterisks is the action you perform, while all the other text can either be read silently or aloud to compliment the ASMR experience.
For those of you who are new to the channel or to ASMR in general, the acronym stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Essentially, ASMR is just soft and/or repetitive sounds that cause the listener to experience tingles, shivers, or a sense of well-being. 
Before we begin, take a moment to make yourself comfortable, so as you relax, you can fall seamlessly into sleep. There’s a little fall joke to break the ice.
Our first trigger tonight, or whenever you’re reading this, is leaf rustling.
*Grab a half-dozen to several dozen leaves in your hands and rustle them back and forth.*
I am safe. I am whole. I am alive and vibrant. Just like these leaves. I am growing as a person. Just like these leaves. I am attached to a protective support system. Just like these leaves.
*Concentrate on your body now. You are a leaf. Starting at your feet and working up to the crown of your head, imagine you’re changing color from green to the rustiest of reds. Focus on each part of your leafy body as you move bottom to top.*
Stem, petiole, midrib, apex, lamina. Lamina. La-mi-na. Lamina. Laminalaminalamina. L-L-L-L-Lamina.
*Let’s take some breaths together now. Imagine the air is crisp and cold, and as you breath in, it soothingly clears your mind.*
*As we continue, you may notice thoughts and distractions pop up, like Canada geese in the dull grey sky above you. Just allow those thoughts to fly across the sky, observing the honks, but not engaging. There, they’ve soared from view. Now go back and fixate, fixate on those thoughts. They are geese after all.*
*Grab the nearest pumpkin or closely related squash. Tap your fingernails against the smooth ridges of the vegetable, pinky to thumb.*
I love myself. Not just small aspects of myself (seeds for roasting or flesh for baking,) but my whole self, the entire genetically modified consumer good.
*Grab the nearest knife. On that same pumpkin, carve the feelings that first come to your mind.*
Fatigue? Contentment? Stress? Joy? Loneliness? Anticipation?
*Locate a cob of corn. Softly shuck the outer layers of the cob. Now comb the golden hairs of the cob, stalk to apex.*
Flower, gleam and glow. Let your power shine. Make the clock reverse. Bring back what once was mine. 
*Next, pretend your hands are cold from the autumn temperatures. Rhythmically rub your palms together to warm them up while spelling the months of fall.*
S-e-p-t-e-m-b-e-r, O-c-t-o-b-e-r, N-o-v-e-m-b-e-r
*Lovingly stroke the arm of the sweater you’re wearing. Now try with the back of your hand.*
Ssssshhhhh, I’m safe. Sssshh. SSSSSSssssshhhhhhhhhhh. I’m safe now.
You’re probably already asleep by now, but for you stragglers, here’s a final trigger.
*Imagine you’re a bear, full, warm, in an earthy den with a blanket of snow. Imagine curling into yourself and snoring softly into a month-long hibernation. If that’s still not enough for you to drift off, think of words that rhyme with fall until you succumb to sleep.*
Fall. Adderall. Alcohol. Mendenhall. Kretchmar Hall. Dr. Dybdahl. Beta-mercaptoethanol. Organ crawl. Cholesterol. Great China wall. Altar call.